so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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