If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
