I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
