we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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