yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
