when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.