also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.