I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"