Christians are straight up FREAKS
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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