It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she pinky promised me she was 18
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think your dad took our porno
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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