are you still at the devil's house?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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