yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
