dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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