weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
