let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
