you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
