it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
