when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
