Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
