Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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