Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
