Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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