I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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