jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
