Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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