you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
