I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
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I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
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If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.