i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.