I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory