I wanna bring you to show and tell
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude