Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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