He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
