I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
