I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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