Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
