yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
