You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
