So drunk its hurt
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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