chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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