I love black thongs
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
