I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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