she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
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My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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