Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
