There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
