She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
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If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
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I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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