Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
