I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
