If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
