Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
