I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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