you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
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Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
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She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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