Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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