I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
BRING THE BAGELS
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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