White coat. Heels.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
