Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
