I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
