I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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