So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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