Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
