you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
