He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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