Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
