I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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