end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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