So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
