Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
