did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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