you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
