I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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