Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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