He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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