After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
