Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's blow job season.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
