So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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