the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
